I actually cannot wait. The lineup is amazing, there’s only a few bands that I don’t particularly want to see. Stumbled upon a few gems whilst compiling this list. I think I’ve actually developed a she-crush on La Roux.

Anyway.

http://open.spotify.com/user/laurie/playlist/0mYJJXabOR58EQUY1wzwbA

spotify:user:laurie:playlist:0mYJJXabOR58EQUY1wzwbA

I’m completely and utterly, totally self-destructive, for reasons that elude me. But there’s a part of me that just wont fucking let me give up. Some tiny voice that maintains that I can do “it”, whatever it may be.

Maybe Kirill is right. Maybe I should learn to give up in certain situations. God knows this tiny voice has absolutely no reason to think that I can succeed. My track record isn’t exactly shining

When logically analysed, my situation is hopeless. I can’t give up though, because giving up is harder than carrying on.

I’m stuck between clawing this thing back and admitting defeat. Both tasks seem completely impossible to me, so I just do nothing.

When I look to the future, there’s just this gaping void. I know, deep down, that I’m never going to do the things that I so desperately want to do.

For the first time, I’m considering suicide as a logical option. I’m doomed to do nothing, and I can never be happy doing nothing. The only thing that’s stopping me is that stupid fucking deluded voice, and the more I realistically confront the situation, the more the voice fades.

Maybe if I’m brave enough.

Boy texts me asking if he can come round. Fine. I ask him when, he says 2. So I had precisely 20 minutes to rush around my room trying to make it look vaguely presentable, and to do hair/put on clothes/apply makeup whilst still desperately trying to maintain that “I just rolled out of bed” look. Throughout this whole episode I’m muttering under my breath “I hate boys”, and being generally annoyed.

I hate this part. The “first impressions” stage. I want to be at the part where you can look an absolute state and you’ll still fuck because frankly, sex is the only thing holding the relationship together. Sweet, loveless bliss.

The place is still a mess. I’m still a mess. Fuck it, I’ll just turn off the lights when he gets here. I think he’s drunk anyway.

I’ve come to the conclusion that yoga isn’t for me. 40 minutes was really enough.

Although I do feel strangely serene. I think I could achieve that with meditation though, and wouldn’t have to go through all the imbalance and paiinnn.

My “Word of the Day”:

notional (adjective) Not based on fact; unreal.

Synonyms:imaginary, fanciful

Usage: She created a notional world for herself in order to escape the disappointments of reality.

This made me chuckle.

Also, my last post made me cringe when I reread it this morning. I hate when people point out the obvious and try to pass it off as a profound statement. I also hate being hypocritical.

Do you ever think that for some self-destructive people, drugs are just the means to an end?

If the drugs weren’t there, would they stop destroying themselves? If they didn’t have destructive personalities, would they still take the drugs?

People blame so much shit on drugs, but drug abuse (note - abuse, not use) is about the person, not the substance.

An inch off my waist in less than 2 weeks… without doing anything. Nicee.

Also, found out I’m a whole 2 and a bit inches shorter than I thought I was. Not so nice.

Still no internet, using a bloody slow internet café. I probably wont have the nets till uni, which actually isn’t that far away (eek).

But yeah, I got a call today saying I’d won two tickets to Summer Sundae (see two posts down). Thing is, it’s for bloody friday and I haven’t got anything sorted ¬_¬ Even still.

I’m done

P.s. who the hell are Robert and Hannes etc? I’ve just found like 5 comments on my “I’m 18″ post, from people I don’t know.

iGoogle has a Pocoyo theme!!

^_^

Beyond. Cool.

Notice that my last.fm plugin thing has stopped working. Not so cool.

So there’s this site yeah, and it has free tickets up for grabs to pretty much every decent festival in the UK (and some that aren’t). Needless to say, I have entered. A lot.

Festival: Summer Sundae Weekender
Reason: Because Tom Baxter needs to have my babies.

Festival: Secret Garden Party
Reason: Because I’ll bring Pimms.

Festival: Shambala
Reason: Because N-Town is my Home-Town, yo.

Festival: Wakestock
Reason: Because I wasn’t born in time for Woodstock.

Festival: T in the Park
Reason: Because I’d be the only person actually drinking tea.

Festival: Latitude
Reason: Because I want to do drugs with Irvine Welsh.

Festival: Global Gathering
Reason: Because I’ve already bought my glowsticks.

Festival: Bestival
Reason: http://laurie.hattscrib.com/?p=66

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BECAUSE I MAKE AN EFFORT.